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Depression: The Fog and What Came After

Tessa Chenoa Ownbey — Mon, 11 May 2020 22:19:03 +0000

From the Series "A Mile in My Shoes"

By Tessa Chenoa Ownbey

The first thing I noticed was the fog. It was a white, weighted cocoon surrounding me, muffling the outside world, the speech of others. I could see through it, but peoples’ words were far away, their meanings obscure. It wasn’t always there, at first. In the beginning, the fog, and its weight – a physical weariness making any activity as heavy and difficult as slogging through molasses- came and went. There were still times when I was clear-minded, when my husband and I had long, impassioned talks as we always had on anything and everything. There were times when I held my firstborn son in joy and awe and savored each and every first.

Gradually, though, the fog took over, and I could not reach through it. A natural introvert, I was living what should have been the happiest time of my life. I was able to stay home with my son, we had rented a small home on the edge of a small town, and I had all the time I wanted to write. I was living my dream. But along with that place on the edge of small town life and living the dream, I was also more isolated than even my introverted self could handle. I had relocated 2000 miles from my family to marry and raise my own children. I knew no one in this small town, and I had no child rearing experiences of my own or others to lean on. I had no support system. It seemed to me I should be strong enough to handle these conditions. After all, isn’t that what loners (what I had always considered myself) are good at?

But the fog came anyway, and more often, until one day it never went away. It numbed not only my communication with others, but my feelings, as well. Joy, excitement, pleasure…all were numb or unreachable across that fog of sorrow and depression.

I tried to take breaks from the baby when my husband was home from work…but the fog dulled even my interests. So I just got in the car and drove whenever I could. There was a highway loop – or half of one – around the area where we lived, and I would get on that highway and drive and drive, and try to think my way out of the fog. What was wrong with me? How could I fix it? It was tremendously important to me to fix myself somehow. And yet, with all the willpower and faith in the world, I could not do it. And so, lost in the fog, my reason slowly eroding and my faith unshaken but somehow not enough to pull me back up, I sank lower and lower in depression.

Like a drowning person, the more I sank, the more I panicked and struggled to fix myself. Some call depression a “selfish disease.” I do, too, but it wasn’t the selfishness of wanting all attention on me. This “selfishness” was an increasingly desperate focus to fix myself so that I could function and raise my family. The more I struggled, the deeper the fog became, and the more often I needed to go for a drive.

The further into despair I sank, the more worthless I began to feel. I could not fix myself, and how worthless was that? What kind of a life was it for me? For my husband? For my son? Did it even matter? Did I even matter? And if I didn’t matter, why should I even be taking up space on the planet at all? I began think through different ways of committing suicide, and found one that seemed like it would work.

As I drove around that loop, I began to focus on the upcoming overpasses. Each night as I would come upon one, I would aim my car at it. I would accelerate, talking myself into just hitting that concrete wall and crushing the car and myself within it. Each time I would swing the wheel away at the last minute. What a loser I was, I thought. Can’t even follow through on killing myself. Each night I basically played “chicken” with the inanimate overpasses. I don’t know how long this went on, with my resolve and my beratement of myself increasing after every failed attempt.

One night I finally confessed to my husband what I had been doing. We were fortunate enough to live close to a hospital that was highly rated in terms of their mental health facilities. The head of the department met us at the front desk. I struggled to understand his words through the all-encompassing fog. It took a while, but he convinced me to check myself into the inpatient facility. A few seconds later I panicked and backed out. He came back to the desk and said, “It is up to you whether or not you stay, I can’t force you… but I really would like you to. I am truly afraid that if you don’t, I will not see you again.” The depth of care in his eyes reached through my fog just long enough for me to make it through the doors. If I had not fully believed in this doctor’s genuine care for me, I would not have stayed.

Diagnosed with Major Depression and at risk for causing myself harm, I spent ten days in inpatient therapy, six months in group therapy, and a year in outpatient therapy and on anti-depressants. I learned so much from each of those things. As an inpatient, art therapy was the beginning of my first coping mechanism. Living for ten days with other people with similar (and different) situations and backgrounds to mine was life-changing. Group therapy taught me that I was never alone in my feelings – that they were in fact, universal. Medication bought me time to learn coping skills. It kept me from the absolute depths of despair while I learned how to truly live. And my outpatient therapist – oh, he was the best, and I will always be grateful for all he taught me.

The fog took time to lift. The first thing I noticed was the brightness of colors. The fog had descended so slowly and completely that I hadn’t noticed how grayed-out the world had become. Communication became easier, clearer. Oddly, it was a full year before my reading comprehension returned. But that was okay. I was busy learning to enjoy my life. And 33 years- and many bumps in the road later- I’m still enjoying it.

About Our Guest Author:

Most of what Tessa Chenoa Ownbey knows about psychology comes from the wrong side of the couch…er…desk. A couple years ago she retired early from a career as an interpretive naturalist in order to pursue her ever-constant dream of writing. She and her husband own a small farm in the Texas Hill Country. Together they have 6 children and 13 grandchildren. Tessa holds a bachelor’s degree in English Literature, and her coping skills include art, upcycling, gardening, hiking, communing with nature, lunch dates with her girlfriends, a refined sense of the ridiculous, and steadfastly choosing joy each day while she drinks her morning coffee.

Read Tessa's Blog Here!

Tessa Chenoa Ownbey

About this Blog Series:

At Resolve Mental Health we are committed to addressing the stigma of getting help for mental health concerns. One of the ways we are approaching this issue is by highlighting the stories of real people who are journeying toward mental wellness. If you or someone you know is on this familiar and difficult road, please know that you are not alone. Our aim is for these stories to help you feel understood and connected to others who are traveling with you.

If you have a story about mental health that you would like to share, please email it to admin@resolvementalhealth.com with the subject line “Mile in My Shoes.”

Contact us if you need help

About Resolve Services

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The Stigma

Cory Baker — Fri, 11 Oct 2019 22:12:11 +0000

The Stigma

All of us struggle at times, so why do we feel so compelled to label those who get help as weak? The stigma that human beings attach to mental health is long overdue for an update.

The National Institute of Mental Health estimates that nearly half of Americans will suffer from some form of mental illness in their life time, and of those tens of millions of people, only about half will seek treatment. That’s an alarming number especially when you consider that their statistic is only referring to those with diagnosable DSM V issues. That statistic skyrockets when you include the number of people who suffer through general or short-term life events that don’t get diagnosed or aren’t considered mental illnesses. If you change the criteria to include everyone who could benefit from seeing a mental health professional at some point in their lives, the graph undoubtedly tops out at nearly everyone.

Human beings are complex creatures, with multiple components that make up an integrated system, much like a computer.

Monitor, drivers, hard drive, operating system, keyboard, and a good wifi signal; all with unique jobs and equally as important as the others. If any of those components ceases to operate then the entire system is broken. Sure, there might be some workarounds, but they are less than optimal and eventually frustrate the user.

Metaphorically, you and I are not much different than computers in that we have smaller parts that work together to make up a whole. Our human systems can be broken down into three categories: mental, physical, and spiritual, and the state of being unhealthy happens when one of these is out of balance with the others.

When our physical self is out of balance, we see a doctor or surgeon. When our spiritual self is out of balance, we see whatever guru we subscribe to. Why is it that when our mental or psychological self is out of balance, we attach some negative stigma to seeing a mental health professional like a counselor, psychiatrist, or therapist? Psychological issues are often genetic and getting in a rut mentally is often caused by environmental stressors beyond our control. In simpler terms, mental health issues are no more under our control than catching the flu or spraining your ankle on the stairs. None of these things should be looked at as a sign of weakness in a person.

We all go through struggles, and there is no shame is seeking help. In America, the divorce rate is around 50%, mass shootings are a common occurrence in the news, and the psychological pharmaceutical industry is a multi-billion dollar industry. Whether you are experiencing common life adjustments, major psychological illness, or dependency on medication to get through the day, you are not alone. A mental health professional can help you deal with stress, communicate effectively with your family, forgive someone so you can put down that heavy burden of anger, heal from issues instead of numbing them, or maybe just help you reframe the negative perspectives you’ve developed into more healthy and positive ones. Don’t let unwarranted stigmas prevent you from getting the help you need, or maybe just want, today.

Take an honest assessment of yourself right now. What is something in your life that you could change to be a better version of yourself? Is it a physical ailment? A spiritual struggle? Or a psychological issue you need to process and deal with? Do yourself a favor and contact a doctor, guru, psychiatrist, surgeon, preacher, counselor, or whomever you need to start working toward a more joyful life. There’s no time like right now to start the journey.

Reach out to Resolve Mental Health if you would like more information on how to seek help or if you would like to speak to a counselor, therapist, or life coach.

About the Author:

Cory Baker, MA, LPC, CPT is a director and co-founder at Resolve Mental Health. He is also a regular contributor for the Resolve Blog. You can contact him below at resolvementalhealth.com

Interested in Working with Cory?

Cory Baker, MA, LPC, CPT

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The Face of Depression

Sena Baker,Ed.D. — Sat, 28 Sep 2019 00:14:49 +0000

"The Face Of Depression"

Depression doesn’t always look depressed.

We’ve all seen them. The commercials for depression medications that depict someone feeling sad, lethargic, fatigued, generally uninterested in normal activities, and potentially suicidal. It’s a very tidy and logical portrayal. Whether or not you have personally known anyone who has suffered from depression, you see such information and naturally believe you could never miss the signs – in yourself or someone else.

But what if depression doesn’t always look so obvious? Research is starting to more often highlight what has been dubbed high-functioning depression. Sherry Amatenstein noted that “high-functioning depression, or dysthymia, may be harder to detect than major depressive disorder (MDD) because the people living with it are often high achievers who make you think everything is all right all the time”.

A person coping with high-functioning depression looks nothing like what the commercials for depression drugs show. In fact, they’re a veritable walking contradiction. Their faces betray what is really happening inside them.

According to the American Journal of Managed Care, “an estimated 19 million americans suffer from depression” and “early detection, intervention, and appropriate treatment can promote remission, prevent relapse, and reduce the emotional and financial burden of the disease”. Don’t be fooled into thinking that just because your depression isn’t paralyzing that it doesn’t require attention or treatment. Get help.

Depression comes in different forms and can develop under different circumstances. It can affect how you feel, think, sleep, eat, and handle daily activities. It can also be treated.

Unfortunately too many people are ashamed to ask for help, or they wait until it is so severe that it becomes difficult to recover from. Depression, much like an infection, can creep in and start to grow until it is debilitating. No one feels ashamed to ask for antiseptic spray or medicine to stop an infection and they should not feel ashamed to do the same for depression. After all, we have about as much control at preventing one as we do the other and both can overtake us without much warning.

Some signs that you might be experiencing depression are:

Feelings of sadness, tearfulness, emptiness or hopelessness
Angry outbursts, irritability or frustration, even over small matters
Loss of interest or pleasure in most or all normal activities, such as sex, hobbies or sports
Sleep disturbances, including insomnia or sleeping too much
Tiredness and lack of energy, so even small tasks take extra effort
Reduced appetite and weight loss or increased cravings for food and weight gain
Anxiety, agitation or restlessness
Slowed thinking, speaking or body movements
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt, fixating on past failures or self-blame
Trouble thinking, concentrating, making decisions and remembering things
Frequent or recurrent thoughts of death, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempts or suicide
Unexplained physical problems, such as back pain or headaches
Memory difficulties or personality changes
Fatigue, loss of appetite, sleep problems or loss of interest in sex — not caused by a medical condition or medication
Often wanting to stay at home, rather than going out to socialize or doing new things

If you are experiencing signs of depression, even minor ones, seek help before it grows into something bigger.

About this Blog:

If you have a story about mental health that you would like to share, please email it to admin@resolvementalhealth.com with the subject line “Mile in My Shoes.”

Contact us if you need help

About Resolve Services

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Depression: Suffering in Silence

Kevin D — Fri, 20 Sep 2019 15:51:05 +0000

From the Series "A Mile in My Shoes"

By Kevin D

I have days that are real battles within myself. Days when it seems there isn’t anything I can do to battle the feelings I have. These days I realize how weak I am.

Is this a spiritual issue? Is it physical? Is it all in my mind? It must be all of these.

We, as a society, don’t seem to make time for God or even spirituality. We rise early and rush to get ready for work, where we spend the majority of our days. We come home in the evening and find a reason to pass the time without considering our spiritual lives until it’s time for bed and then we do it all over again.

We fill our weekends with activities, or we say we want to “relax” since we “work” all week, even though we may believe that a relationship with God is most important. We fail daily and more voids in our souls open up that we try to fill with meaningless things like fancy clothes, partying, social statuses, shiny possessions, relationships, or even goals to attain. It’s a game and we’re losing.

As for me, it’s right there. There is so much to be happy for and so much to appreciate. There is so much to be grateful for, and it is possible in moments of clarity, but the negative envelopes the rest and makes it seem impossible to grasp. Like happiness is fading and there’s no way to stop it. I’m well aware that I’m slipping and that I, in fact, am losing.

My moments of clarity are less and less. I have no desires for the world, but it has completely taken over my mind. My hierarchy of needs seems to diminish. I only know what I think I know….which is nothing.

It’s really hard being me. My hobbies have always been limited. My likes have been the same. It’s not fun living in a life where you don’t really know where your mind is going to take you tomorrow…or an hour from now.

It’s miserable being critical. It’s miserable seeing the negative in everything. It’s miserable knowing that I’m so blessed, but cannot appreciate it.

I’m not asking for sympathy, because I don’t deserve it, but I cannot explain my current state. I’m in charge of myself, but I’m not.

I’m in turmoil when I see no turmoil.

Alone is a weirdly accurate way of describing it, even though I know I’m not alone.

Lost. Maybe lost is the best way of putting it.

Like drowning every day, but pretending that I don’t need the help of the boats coming by. I desperately need those boats…

If the words above ring true for you and you find yourself caught in a battle with darkness, please don’t wait to seek help. Talk to a professional today.

About this Blog:

If you have a story about mental health that you would like to share, please email it to admin@resolvementalhealth.com with the subject line “Mile in My Shoes.”

Contact us if you need help

About Resolve Services

Follow us or share our content on social media if you like what we are doing.

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Using Coping Skills Effectively

Cole Modlin MA LPC — Fri, 13 Sep 2019 00:43:37 +0000

"How are you coping with that?"

If you have experienced a traumatic event and told anyone about it, you have probably heard a variation of the above question. The truth is that your loss has hurt you in a way that challenges your typical coping mechanisms. You may have talked about your grief till there seems to be nothing left to say. You may have listened to your favorite songs for hours on repeat. But still the grief presses down upon your spirit without relief.

I experienced a trauma about 8 years ago when my wife and I miscarried our first child. I had years of education in counseling on how to cope with a loss, but all the “skills” seemed mechanical. Hence, we spent almost all of our time attempting to process the loss. We would talk for hours about our disappointments, our pain, and our anxieties about the future. Of course, spending so much time processing at this deep level was mentally, physically, and spiritually exhausting.

Looking back at that time, my wife and I often got stuck processing the emotional pain without allowing ourselves to come up to breathe. We weren’t taking care of our physical bodies. We talked for hours, we listened to worship music, we wrote songs together, we wrote in journals, etc. These are all beneficial methods of coping. However, the way that we attempted to stay at this processing level would be like asking a runner to begin training for a marathon by running 26 miles—you have to train in smaller segments to allow your body to rest.

Now, I realize that there are no rules for grieving; every individual will experience grief from their own unique perspective. Yet, if “coping skills” seem like vague unhelpful concepts to you, maybe you can gain something from the distinctions I am about to make. I believe that all people are already coping with life events whether they are aware of it or not. For instance, turning on the TV or getting a drink with some friends are ways to cope with stress. When experiences become overwhelming and the methods of coping stop working, people tend to escalate their behaviors in negative ways or seek new alternatives.

I would like to describe types of coping skills and discuss how to use these skills effectively when dealing specifically with loss. Many of these same skills could also be used if you are facing generally uncomfortable feelings or situations.

Three Basic Categories of Coping

Distraction based coping skills that take your mind off your distress
Grounding skills that help you focus on the here-and-now
Processing skills that help you accept and work through your distress

Distractions

In the category of distraction we have some of the following skills:

Counting – up to 100, down from 10, down from 100 by multiples of 7, etc.
Puzzles – Sudoku, crosswords, word games, cards, and anything else that occupies your mind
Exercise – walking, jogging, sports, aerobics, dancing, etc.
Music – listening or playing music of any kind
Media – playing video games, watching a funny TV show, YouTube clip, or movie

These are positive skills that provide a necessary relief to people in crisis. Our bodies simply cannot stay in a state of crisis indefinitely. Choosing healthy distractions can give us permission to experience some brief normalcy and relief when we are preparing to process events. In fact, recent studies are supporting the possibility that playing a distracting game like Tetris soon after a traumatic event can reduce the long-term negative effects of trauma.

Constantly using these distraction techniques, though, can become a form of avoidance or denial. Moreover, one can actually build tolerance to distracting activities. If you begin to find that negative thoughts are breaking through your attempts at watching your favorite TV show or video game, you have likely developed a tolerance to these distractions and they will no longer be effective at keeping out intrusive thoughts. When distractions stop working, it is not uncommon for people to begin escalating to other more dangerous forms of escape, such as alcoholism or addiction. Hence, getting stuck on distraction may be an indication that developing skills at the next level of coping will be necessary to manage distress effectively.

Grounding

Here are some coping skills that focus on grounding the individual in the present:

Relaxation – progressive muscle relaxation, massage, diaphragmatic breathing exercises, bubble bath, yoga, prayer, meditation, etc.
Safe Place Imagery – developing a safe place in your mind connected to each of your five senses
Mindfulness – focus on your current environment (e.g., the feel of the floor beneath your feet, the texture of the chair you are sitting in, the smell of a candle, etc.)
Sensory Awareness – hold an ice-cube, pet an animal, enjoy a peppermint

There is some overlap between the distracting skills and the grounding skills. I think it is beneficial to draw the distinction between these categories because I see grounding skills as moving a person closer mentally to dealing with the trauma or distress.

Grounding activities are not typically what you would choose to engage in for a “fun” distraction or escape. Using safe place imagery or diaphragmatic breathing demonstrates awareness that support is needed and life has changed due to your experiences or level of distress.

If you find that you are seeking more therapeutic books, podcasts, or blogs you are most open to learning about grounding. Grounding skills are typically learned from professionals or through self-help materials.

Processing

Finally, we come to the third category of coping, which includes skills that are conducive to processing:

Journaling – putting words to your experience in private can sometimes be the first step in organizing your memories into a cohesive story
Verbalizing – talking with a support person or professional about your story
Sharing – writing a letter or song, giving a testimony about your experience, writing a blog, joining a group to discuss your shared experiences, etc.
Commemorating Healing – planting a tree, getting a tattoo, writing a song or poem, creating something, etc.

This is the deepest level of coping and it usually requires the most emotional energy. With the distraction and grounding skills a person is primarily using stress management. The processing skills, in contrast, are aimed at healing from negative experiences. Activities at the processing stage are highly personal and the effectiveness they provide will often vary drastically between people, even in the same family.

As I mentioned earlier, it is important to note that staying at this processing level for extended periods can lead to total exhaustion. We need to take care of ourselves when facing trauma or extensive stress. Adequate self-care requires coming up for air, so to speak, to the distracting and grounding levels at times when processing gets too overwhelming.

Many people can manage for most of their lives by using skills from the distraction category without needing to venture beyond this point. If trauma or a loss has occurred, it is much more likely that distraction will stop working. When anxious or disturbing thoughts begin invading your work and personal life despite your attempts at distraction, you could benefit from grounding yourself in those moments. However, grounding is still a temporary solution in that it places you firmly in the present but ignores the past experience.

If you do intend to begin processing your experiences, I encourage you to build a strong support system around you. Processing is hard work and you will need people to lift you up and remind you to take care of yourself. For some people, it will also be essential that they talk to a mental health professional. A good therapist will help you navigate the complexities of your loss, encouraging you to engage in distraction at times but also affirming you that you can press in to greater healing with proper grounding and support.

About the Author:

Cole Modlin, MA, LPC is a director and co-founder at Resolve Mental Health. He is also a regular contributor for the Resolve Blog and will be writing more about self-care, distress tolerance, and mental wellness.

Interested in Therapy with Cole?

Cole Modlin, MA, LPC

Follow us or share our content on social media if you like what we are doing.

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